Tit Torture

By on January 11, 2010

Dear Patrick
Can the male nipple become the erotic equivalent of the female breast? My wife is quite bossy in bed, and she wants my nipples to respond to her by getting hard. She has put clamps on them, tugged on them and bitten them, used hot wax and nasty little emery boards until they are perpetually sore. I hate to feel my shirt touch them. Why isn’t it enough for her to see an erection in the usual place?
Tit-Whipped

Dear Tit-Whipped
Hmmm. Given that I am on your wife’s side here, what shall I tell you? Should I lie to you and make you feel bad because you aren’t producing the desired results, or should I tell you the truth and we can both admit she’s just Hell on Wheels sadistic?

Is the male nipple an erogenous zone? Sometimes, for some guys. Straight men can be shy about it, knowing that there are gay men who tug on their tits until they are practically as big as my thumb. But having sexy nipples is not an index of orientation. Some men even get nipple erections if they are cold or turned on. But some guys miss out on all that fun. Even with training, their nipples just don’t seem to be wired up and connected to their genitals.

That doesn’t mean they have no feeling there, however. They can certainly feel nipple clamps, ice cubes, hot wax, abrasion, pinching, pulling, twisting, and smacking. I’ve known guys who came to enjoy this type of nipple play just because they liked pain.

I think what your wife is doing to you qualifies as a Mistress Game. Heads, she wins. Tails, you lose. By ordering you to do something that you are physically incapable of doing, she gives herself permission to continue to “torture” you. I think I like her.
And I bet you do too. Tch, tch, T.W., you are using the genre of complaining in order to do a little bragging, aren’t you? If you can write to me and honestly tell me that you don’t jerk off when you think about what’s happening to you, I’ll try to get you out of it. Maybe. But you might have to show me a hard titty first.

Patrick Califia is a therapist in private practice in Northern California. His practice includes internet consultations as well as face-to-face psychotherapy. He is a prolific author who has published widely about BDSM and sexual politics. Patrick’s books include Macho Sluts, Sensuous Magic, and Public Sex: The Politics of Radical Sex.

This column is not intended to offer medical or legal advice. It is for educational and entertainment purposes only. If you need medical or legal advice, see a doctor or lawyer!

Do you have a question for Patrick?
Please feel free to leave your comments below or you can reach him at
patrick@skintwo.com

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