The Fetish Question: Getting Over the Barrier with Politeness

By on May 12, 2011

I count myself lucky. But then it’s a luck that comes with many hours of practice, and you know what, as they say, every master was once a disaster. I’m lucky because in fetisexual terms I am more or less out of the closet, the closet full of latex and mad toys.

So most of my friends know what I get up to, even if they don’t know the specifics. For I certainly don’t put that or those in their faces, but I always game them a bit, turning it around if they start using lame jokes. Humour that they use as a shield that in my opinion keeps them ignorant, and thus apart from having the time of their lives. I keep a pseudonym simply out of etiquette, and it’s kind of like being Batman.

I am also lucky because I realised early on that life isn’t a rehearsal, and I’d rather spend time chasing dreams than being comfortable and ignorant. But getting what you dream of still takes hours of practice. Moreover it takes courage to answer your very own Fetish Question and the ability to say ‘This is who I am, take it or leave it’.

For many men it’s not easy, they feel compelled to get laid, and they don’t want to not get laid by adding more unconventional requests. For women it’s easier to deal with the acceptance part of the Fetish Question, most female newbies get inundated with emails on social network sites. And curiously I have been mostly inspired by fetish women.

Perhaps an answer to dealing with the Fetish Question is in the individuality expressed by many transgender situations: if you accept yourself and flaunt what you have, you are accepted, adored and successful because you write your own story.

Yes, you write your own story. My colleague 3xl has indeed written his own story. 3xL’s was a journey which started by outing himself from the latex closet to his girlfriend and risking her not accepting him. Then, once finding they were indeed incompatible, he still had the strength to still believe he would find his soulmate. Not only did he attend every fetish club going, he started his own website and mini-fetish empire.

He wrote his own story, literally.

Answering your own Fetish Question also comes down to being polite I think. An underrated term politeness, but it is a fair starting point. If you want to be tiresomely fascinating and revolutionary, yes, have fun with that. But we may all have to sell butter or car insurance at some point. In a vanilla situation politeness is key. By first politely accepting that this fetisexual is who you are then you will be able to let people know politely who you are if they ask, politely.

They really aren’t your friends if they recoil in horror. It’s not polite. And if they probe too far perhaps you should politely invite them to a club. The point is to widen that network and let people know who you are. Everyone knows someone. And not everyone is on Fetlife or Facebook.

Now I personally don’t worry about telling a prospective partner what I’m about. It saves time finding out they are not for me. Unless I can sense urges or intrigue, then I will take time to explore or guide. I remain, at all times, polite, and afterwards I am more resilient to being controlled or made to fit. We only have one life to write our life story.

You haven’t got time for fuckery in your soulmate search, because then when you enter the BDSM or fetish world you realise there are yet more onion layers of protocols, agendas, ignorance, control, wilfulness and games to sail your polite self right through the middle of. And that’s just all the good stuff! I hope this helps you in answering your Fetish Question.

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