The Clitoral Truth: Supreme Sasha answers your letters

By on January 4, 2011

Dear Sasha,
my missus has bought me a book called The Clitoral Truth. I realise I may not be as attentive to her needs as I might be but should she have thrown it at me saying, ‘Read it, you cunt!’? She can be awfully rude sometimes,
Jeremy

Dear Jeremy,
I may not be psychic but I’m getting that you haven’t had your head between her legs very often recently. When you do get there you’d better listen to instructions as women’s needs vary. Some like it around the sides some like a rub of the nub.  Keeping a steady rhythm is important. Unless it isn’t. They’ll soon tell you, if you learn to LISTEN.
‘The Clitoral Truth – The world at your fingertips’ by Rebecca Chalker is a good guide to getting the most out of a clitoris, female ejaculation, the G-spot, Tantric Sex, and everything else you might need to know to service your female. Many men are unaware that it can take twenty minutes for a women to become fully aroused never mind reach an orgasm. Forget Alan Titchmarsh. Do a bit of Lady Gardening. The Clitoral Truth. Cleis publishing. Find it on Amazon.

Dear Sasha,
I live in the London area and need a way of publicising my erotic services without resorting to visiting fetish markets wearing a sandwich board. I sell a new realistically human sex worker android (male, female and t-girl models) which doubles as a vacuum cleaner (stronger than a Dyson) It’s also a qualified plumber and lawyer.
Nick Faust

Dear Nick,
to invent such a supremely useful android I suspect you must have struck a Faustian bargain with one of our other columnists, My Lord Lucifer. Untold riches will undoubtedly come your way, especially if you can somehow make your android sex worker talk. On second thoughts it’s probably worth more without the talking option.
If you still need publicity for erotic products and services you can have Hand Jobs media take on this onerous duty off your, ahem, hands.
One stunningly gorgeous woman accessorised by some friendly blokes made a positive impression at London Alternative Market handing out flyers and leaflets all in a shiny little black bag. Tres chic. As they don’t say in Clapham Junction, where this lovely old Music Hall hosts an excellent market with a very hot after party. The one time I visited the party there was a naked Sloaney girl with a flawless pert body in a suspension frame being teased and spanked for what seemed a lifetime. This Goddess actually insists on gentlemen over fifty, so you don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to deduce that this is a daddy thing. (Yes, she does have a boyfriend. Life’s like that.)

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