Mark Ramsden's Kinky Astrology: June 2010

By on June 4, 2010

Jupiter in Uranus from the fifth. Does this mean bigger butt plugs?

Ginger up your fundaments by meditating on giggling adult schoolgirls, preferably Japanese…”We look extra skanky in schoolgirl outfits,” says Family Guy’s Asian tv reporter Tricia Takanawa…

priestessAries The ram’s head symbolizes male dominance. You’ve been a little too metrosexual recently. Assert yourself and you’ll find someone who wants a good stuffing.

Taurus The bull could try an animal mask to unleash your inner beast. Or buy her some Devil horns. Let her Satanic Majesty roar and rampage. Dance round her fire. Worship the Mean Queen.

Gemini This month emulate fellow Gemini Clint Eastwood. Be str
ong, persevere (particularly in foreplay) and don’t talk too much. Give her the space she needs.

Cancer
Cancer is happiest playing a supporting role. Without crawling like a crab let her instruct you as to her deepest desires. As long as she’s having fun so will you.

Leo You’re at your best with the other fire signs, Aries and Sagittarius. if you dress for Sun King flash in bright reds and gold you’ll light anyone’s fire. Let her be Queen when it comes to the bedroom.

Virgo Earthy Virgo likes country pursuits. Few women have not daydreamed of the power of horses or of the freedom of riding one. Be her noble stallion and get your oats.

Libra Getting her to masturbate in front of you is a way of learning how she likes to be touched. She might feel more disposed to perform if you go first. Which is only fair. And Libra likes the scales to balance.

Scorpio The Scorpio Woman is justly feared but there’s also been some dark, devious male motherfuckers: Dostoyevsky, Maradonna, Dylan Thomas. This month shine some light on your lovemaking. Be gentle in that good night.

Sagittarius summer blues? Summon the lightning fire of Zeus by submitting to the rod. Let her teach you a lesson first and you’ll enjoy making love all the more, spurred on by flaming buttocks and the vision of your teacher in action.

Capricorn You crave structure and discipline. You’re a stickler for hard work and correct behaviour. Sounds like someone needs a slave. Or to be a slave. A little roleplay may unlock just what you need.

Aquarius Sub/dom play needn’t be all doom and gloom. The receiver need not humiliate the giver. You could be the heroic courtier of a gracious queen or the servant to a gracious Goddess. Be prepared for extensive oral service.

Pisces Water sign Pisces could work miracles with ice this month. And not just by shaking her favourite cocktail. A blindfold and an ice cube will sharpen the senses and prolong foreplay. Don’t forget the warm kisses.

Kinky Astrology by MarkRamsden.co.uk

“The Priestess” Illustration by Ruth Ramsden who can be contacted on weirdjazz [@]sky.com

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