Ok. So when you go shopping on a Sunday do check the shops are actually open. I guess my girlfriend Charley and I were dazzled by the enticing gloop of red dots on the top right of the Fetish Map, around the Holloway Road area of London. But calm down, before you get excited and make a fetish pilgrimage to North London, they do represent just three shops.
We arrived at Showgirls at Holloway Road North London and voila!: the shutters were down. Then it started to rain. Wet, we trundled off dejected and checked our soggy Fetish Map: Fettered Pleasures were just down the road. Damn, also shut. Next door House of Harlot. Aww no, feck, shut again.
What were these people doing that was more interesting than servicing Charley and mine’s debauched needs?
Privately admonishing ourselves for our lack of planning we instead drove to Angel for coffee and a visit to that veritable warehouse of gay perve Regulation. A fetishist’s grotto, I recommend it to anyone vaguely interested in bizarre sex and who still needs their eyes opening just that little bit more. The great thing about Regulation is that it will give you ideas, then more ideas, then the horn, then even more ideas.
Well yes, its a mini-supermarket for gay men with a latex fetish, but then there was lot of stuff men and women would want to have a go with. To be honest we were like tourists wondering round a theme park display for depraved adults. Breathplay, watersports, medical supplies, bondage, CP: there is no end of merchandise to facilitate your ‘bent’ as it were.
But for me, the highlight had to be the Regulation hankie corner with its Hankie Colour Codes list. This is for bandanas in the back pocket you understand. Is this still the practice? Someone email me if this is so… it’s just brilliant.
So if your hankie is in the left pocket you are ‘active’. If it’s in the right you are ‘passive’. Come on guys, don’t you know this? This is basic.
Then the colours go on to signify your interests. So a charcoal-coloured bandana indicates you like rubber. Fuschia: that means you are a spanker. Red means you are a fister, or partial to fisting – I would tentatively proffer. Dark red then alerts others that you are into ‘double’ fisting.
White: well thats for masturbation. Yellow… you guessed it, watersports. And coral? That my fetish chums is actually for toe freaks.
And for those lost souls into everything? Well they can be found by the sight of the orange hankie. The list goes on to includes around forty colours, so it’s quite extensive. I really think their website should publish it.
Over coffee Charley and I wowed, chuckled and spat out New York cheesecake over the endless imaginative genius of this side of the gay scene. We also vowed to return to Holloway Road on a sunnier and dare I say, actual business day.
But not before pondering why there weren’t more fetish houses in the Angel alongside all the other cutting-edge fashion boutiques. Curious, no?