How to Tell Your Partner Your Fetish Fantasies

By on September 25, 2013

 Bondage black and white

Whether you’re with a new or long term partner, the subject of what you like in bed (or wherever) is awkward enough without the added embarrassment of discussing your Fetish fantasies. You worry that a new lover will leave you and then reveal your deepest secret on Facebook. Or that a long term lover might pretend they’re happy you feel you can discuss it, but then suddenly they’re working late a lot and spending whole weekends visiting their parents, even yours if it gets that desperate. 


bondage gearThe problem is, when we meet someone, most of us build ourselves up as “nice”, “wholesome” and (the one I hate most), “what you see is what you get”. Let’s face it; that is never true. When we meet someone, we all laugh at the bad jokes they tell, we all pretend we’re really into some charity or other, men will say they work out, women will say they naturally don’t gain weight. So why we believe that the sex that follows is “what you see is what you get” is beyond me.  Because really, what you don’t see might just be what you get asked for.

Over half of all people have fetish desires. This is argued (probably by the other half) that you can’t determine the reliability of fetish statistics given that there are no written rules as to what is normal and what is specific. Whichever you agree with, the point here is that a lot of us like something fetish or kinky. Some happily promote themselves as a lover of all things Latex and Bondage and for these confident few, asking for bedroom favours is pretty much all over twitter before they even meet a new lover. For those who shy away from expressing their oh-girl tied upso-naughty desires, this is a little more difficult.

Depending on what your fetish fantasy is, dropping a bombshell is probably a bad idea. I wouldn’t advise you surprise your lover when they come home from work and you’re in the living room with a grin on your face, twirling your hips wearing a strap-on. Neither would I suggest pulling out hard core bondage equipment over breakfast and asking ‘what are your plans tonight?’

bondage suitcasePerhaps start by asking what kind of fantasies your lover has first. Or work your request into foreplay with a quiet whisper of “hey you know what would be really hot”, that is not then followed up with dungeon master suggestion. If the answer is no, don’t sulk; She/he will tell people on Facebook. If the answer is yes don’t get excited and rush to the garage to pull out your costumes and toys; She/he will tell people on Facebook. If the answer is yes and your lover leans over and pulls their secret box from under the bed, well… congratulations.

However you do it, don’t keep your fantasies secret. In a world where more and more people are becoming experimental, creative and wild to say the least, it is more than likely that your lover has their own fetish fantasies they want to play out. And if they don’t then there are more than enough Online and Offline communities that will let you embrace all of your weird and wonderful desires. Be free, be fetish.

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