BDSMBadAdvice: Where are the submissive boys?

By on October 2, 2010

Dear BDSMBadAdvice,

I am a gay Leatherman living in a large city. After years of identifying as a boy, I have begun exploring my Daddy side in the last year. I’m fairly attractive, in pretty good shape, college-educated, self-employed and active in my city’s Leather community. I don’t seem to have a problem attracting young men; it’s more that the men I attract aren’t exactly what I seek. A lot of young guys are excited by the idea of having a Leather Daddy, but aren’t interested in service or kinky sex.

What am I doing wrong, BDSMBadAdvice? Where are all the boys who want to serve a Daddy who will beat them and fuck them roughly?

Aspiring Daddy

Dear Aspiring Daddy,

I can see why you’re having trouble finding what you want. Real submissives and masochists find nothing less attractive than a lean, handsome man in leather who wants to use them for his pleasure. Quit the gym, gain about fifty pounds and neglect your grooming and hygiene. Instead of leather, wear a sequined figure skating costume when you go out. I guarantee that young, submissive boys will trample their own grandmothers to wear your collar.

Integrity and experience are essential qualities for a Leather Daddy, so you should lie to give yourself the appearance of having them. Tell boys that you’ve been a Daddy for twenty years and that you trained in a European Old Guard Leather house. Tell them that Mr. Benson was your mentor. This works best if you only communicate with them online. The lies are more believable if there are no other Leathermen around to refute your claims.

Speaking of the internet, all your online profiles should be poorly spelled, typed in all caps and lacking punctuation. This shows boys you are extremely Dominate.

Show your confidence by making outrageous demands on prospective boys. Tell them they aren’t real subs if they question your directives. Demand that they let you fuck them bareback without knowing your HIV status. In fact, get angry if they ask you anything about yourself. True subs should submit unconditionally without knowing to whom they are submitting.

In other words, since seeking a boy honestly and honorably clearly isn’t working, try dishonesty and dishonor instead. You’ll have a dozen boys within a week. Online, anyway.

Jonathan Byrel Moore is a collared boy and switch in the San Francisco Bay area. Though he is dangerously unqualified to dispense advice on BDSM, kink, Leather, or any other topic, he enjoys giving it anyway. When he isn’t busy being a bad influence at dungeon parties, he drops little brown pellets of wisdom via Twitter, Facebook and FetLife.

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October 2, 2010 @ 17:19

“submischievous is being mentored by BDSMBadAdvice. less than a minute ago”

The more ‘relationships’ you have listed in your FetLife profile, the more seriously people will take you.


October 2, 2010 @ 01:02

Hilarious. I’ve enjoyed the twitter feed for a couple of weeks. Hope there is more to come!

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