BDSM Is Not Wrong

By on October 23, 2013

Woman handcuffed

Masochist and sadist fantasies are no new thing to shout about and defend. But for many, the start of their desires proved to be confusing and worrying. Reading an article recently about a girl in her 20’s, who firmly believes in no sex before marriage and is often jokingly referred to as a ‘nun’ by her peers, who fantasises about being hurt or humiliated in a sexual sense, believes she should see a councillor and get help for her “sick” thoughts.

Woman tied up with a rope against brick wallHow BDSM fantasies start for people is a mystery to the masses. So when a member of the masses feels aroused by the thought of it, they panic. The girl in the article (posted anonymously) mentioned that though she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage, she considers masturbation as healthy and natural but that she can’t orgasm without placing herself in a masochist fantasy and though she had recently learned it is a common fantasy, she is still asking for assurance that there is nothing wrong with her.

Could this be why BDSM has never been and may never be a mainstream sexual preference? It got me thinking how many might feel the same; ashamed of themselves thinking that fantasies of bondage, masochism and sadism mean they are sick and need help, pushing their desires to the furthest parts of their mind afraid that enjoying the fantasy means they may soon commit sex crimes.stocking and rope

The girl in the article stressed the point that though the fantasy in her mind is ‘non-consensual’, any real life version would destroy her. There seems to be a lack of understanding in the world as to what BDSM practice involves. Yes, pain plays a part in it, but consent is key and it is an extremely rare situation for a fetishist to be charged with forced sexual acts. My research led me to another article from a doctor of an emergency unit at a hospital who stressed that BDSM injuries are very rare and unusual to hear about in the emergency room; compared to sports injuries that are one of the most common.

Masochism and Sadism are not terms that describe the removal of safety from a sexual encounter. BDSM is practised widely all over the globe and is practiced safely. Yes, the fantasy behind BDSM scenarios can often involve non-consensual role play, but that is just Bondage womanwhat it is. Role play. And it is enjoyed by more people than imagined. With communication, consent, safe words, agreements and partners who share the fantasy, it is no more dangerous than vanilla sex play.
As for thinking your masochist and sadist fantasies mean you need therapy, I’m going to make it simple; they don’t. As long as your desires do not include preying on unsuspecting, un-consenting people in real life, you’re fine. There is a community for every fantasy and thousands of people who share and want to role play exactly what you desire, you just have to look in the right places! From punks, to business men, housewives to your local librarian, BDSM fantasies are for everyone. I hope that girl joins the club someday!

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